You know how when something awful happens one night, and you cried yourself to sleep about it, and then you wake up the next day looking like shit, and you have to walk around all day at work with a stupid lump in your throat, burning eyes, and this great fear that if one more motherfucker so much as passes by you you're going to swear to god burst into tears (and then kill him)?
That's how I've been feeling! For far too many days already. I am admittedly overwhelmed at the moment. But everything Im overwhelmed about is going to turn out awesome once everything gets in order - having my baby, moving to San Antonio, and buying a house in San Antonio all in the same month. I feel that terrible up-all-night crying hangover for no reason. And I can't get it to go away. It's obviously just pregnancy hormones, but I can't be having that. It needs to stop. I figured the only way to make it is to cry it away. Have a good, worthless cry to extinguish it.
I'm not a crier, so when I sat down and took a deep breath and told myself to cry, I didn't. My husband offered to help me cry. I said, "If you don't mind, can you make sure they're happy tears?" He said never mind, so I was on my own again.
But he did comeback with some valuable insight. "Champagne always makes you cry," he said, and offered to go get some for me.
So I did what any pregnant woman in America shouldn't do: I had half a glass of champagne.
Go ahead and judge me if you're a mom. Shut the fuck up if you're not. I have two other kids, a husband, and a dog who depend on me. I need to be feeling my best, not feeling like I don't have the emotional capacity to get us all (minus the hubby and dog) dressed and brushed and off to school in the morning.
I don't know if it was the champagne itself or the guilt from drinking the champagne that made it happen, but I cried. Right in the middle of the season premiere of Tosh.0, I cried. And laughed as I did. And now my head doesn't feel so red and squished. I'm thinking a bit more clearly; my brain doesn't feel so shrouded. Which maybe isn't such a good thing... I now have more space to fret and obsess about all the upcoming life changes my family will be going
through.
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