- Have you ever written a song? Not one with words, surprisingly. When I was in fourth grade I used to take piano lessons offered as an afterschool program at my elementary. So I wrote my own piano music sometimes. Well, not just sometimes. There used to exist a whole notebook of it where I would draw in the correct little musical notes on the wide-ruled paper. Surely none of it sounded anything like actual music.
- Can you make change for a dollar right now? No, but my daughter can.
- Have you ever been in the opposite sex's public toilet? Yes, when drunk and I couldn't hold it. Yes, when sober too but always on accident.
- Have you ever written a poem? Why, yes I have! There's a tab with some of it above. But I used to be against poetry growing up. It seemed like such a restrictive form of literature. I grew up telling grandiose stories that became more and more detailed as they moved along, like tumbleweeds. I didn't really know how to edit, nor did I really believe in it, until a few years ago when I actually started having someone edit my work. Now it's kind of fun to see how much punch I can pack into a haiku.
- Are you an innie or an outie? I'm an innie. Unless I'm 6-9 months pregnant, then I'm an outie.
- Do you like catsup on or beside your fries? Beside. On top is too messy. I can't stand being messy.
- Have you ever been a boy/girl scout? Yes, for like a few weeks in the first grade (or third). I dropped out because we never actually did anything fun, just gathered afterschool on Wednesdays in the cafeteria and did crafts. This might be where my hatred of crafts started. I stuck it out until I got the outfit, I remember that much. Then I stopped going and my mom was contacted like a couple months later and told I had to give the uniform back. I tried this scam at a dance class too. I just wanted to go so I could have one of those bright, frilly, embroidered folklorico outfits like my older cousins. Once I got it, I dropped out, but was forced to give the outfit back. This is starting to sound like I had a problem... I just never liked organized stuff. It made me feel trapped to be around a dozen kids all doing the same thing. I had a problem with skipping classes in high school too... Never dropped out of that. But I dropped out of college a few times too. For good reasons: moving to England; a week-long trip in Tuscany; a week-long trip in Scandinavia.
- Have you ever written a book? Don't get me started! Yes, I have. I'm querying my life's work right now. I'll probably drop out of doing that too and go another publishing route, though. Here's an excerpt that just so happens to be open in a document behind this window: “If I were weak and pathetic I would have fainted — that’s what it felt like my body was trying to do — but I wasn’t, so I didn’t. It was that simple. For him I could defy the laws of gravity, or biology, or whatever kind of science was involved in making someone faint. I was sure he knew the exact science behind it and that made me kind of moan as I moisturized my legs. If I said to anyone else that I felt like fainting and then they said something like, “Oh, let me tell you the science behind that,” I would’ve punched them. But if Michael were to start explaining it to me with his goddamn smile and sharp eyes, I’d stop feeling like fainting and start feeling like fucking him instead. And there was no science to explain that, to explain why I’d let one rapist fuck me but not another, or why I wanted to know everything he knew, or why pain might not be so bad coming from him. It was irrational, and I started thinking: as needy as I was for him, as anxious, tense, and enraged as I was, maybe I would end up killing him before I even got around to forcing him to make love to me. Or maybe I didn’t even know the difference between doing either.”
- Have you ever broken a mirror? I think so, but eh. I'm panicky but not overly superstitious.
- Are you superstitious? Ha! I just answered this question above. That's amazing of me.
Should I weigh in on the Rachel Dolezal thing here? I guess I'm feeling bothered enough by it for it to have been the third or fourth topic that came to mind when I was wondering what to fill this post with.
(Disclaimer: If any of the following commentary sounds like mere speculation, it probably is. I don't have the time or patience to go back and source search, nor am I a journalist, so this just is what it is)
See, my biggest problem with the whole scandal is: her parents are throwing her under the bus. They were asked if she was black and they said no, and they should have left it at that. But they didn't. They are giving interviews all over the place in which they're taking it even further and actually attacking their daughter's character, and consequently ruining her life. Yet, they have a biological son who was convicted of sexual abuse towards (it has been heavily implied) one of their adopted black children.
What she did was wrong and misguided. It's being likened to black face, and being argued that her actions have set back racial equality. Well...I'm not taking it quite so personally. She set herself back, not an entire race. We minorities are still doing just as horrible or as well as we were doing before this story broke. The majority of spectators agree what Ms. Dolezal did was dumb. They aren't thinking what she did makes all white people dumb, or all black people dumb. This is just about her. We've all known people who take things too far - their diets, their anger, their drinking, their work, their need for attention... And remember all those weirdos who surprisingly started acting black when rap and hip hop went mainstream? Rachel Dolezal took her obsession too far. A step further, even, by bringing it into the workplace and letting it take over her personal life, instead of leaving it on the streets and in the night club. Although, the people she worked with and advocated for (and her parents, it seems) surely feel duped, maybe even dumb for specific reasons associated with their relationship with her. But the media and its consumers are giving her too much power. In my opinion, she isn't representative of anything but herself. And her family.
As a Mexican woman, if I were in a predominantly Mexican organization and it turned out that my boss was lying about being Mexican, yes I'd feel confused and annoyed. I'd probably have some thoughts of "that's not right" and somehow "that's not fair." But that's as internalized as my feelings would get. My thoughts would then turn to, "wow, is she crazy?" and "What a shame. I wonder what happened in her life to make her want to be someone she's not?" I would not seethe over it, though, and demand justice. I think it's Ms. Dolezal who deserves justice for what her parents have done.
But one of my brain flaws is that I'm too understanding. I read she is estranged from her parents because of the whole sexual abuse shit her brother did. I'm using my powers of deduction to deduce that the adopted brother of theirs who has been in her custody for years is the one the biological brother preyed on. Good for her for getting him out of there. Her parents would like us all to believe that Ms. Dolezal has made up these allegations against their son. I mean, she's obviously a pathological liar, so that should be easy for us. And if Twitter and Facebook comments are any indication, it has been easy. But claims of sexual abuse aren't something we should ever dismiss just because we don't like the person claiming them. Let's keep this debacle in focus.
Her adopted siblings were black, her husband was black, her biological son is therefore black; she went to a black college. Maybe she found the black community to be more passionate and take-charge than the white community she was born into, a white community wherein her parents perhaps froze up in the face of sexual abuse allegations against their biological son. Maybe she felt oppressed growing up, for whatever personal and familial reasons, but could find no obviously-oppressed group of white people to identify with? Maybe she wanted to be part of something meaningful in a community where people and families seem to have eachother's backs?
If she were to answer yes to any of these theories, I would nod my head and think "makes sense, then." I wouldn't say she shouldn't lose her job, though. People lose their jobs for lying about degrees and past work history and such. She lied entirely about who she was and reportedly made false claims about racism against her "black" self. Fire her, for sure. Pathological liars are no joke. I used to be best friends with one for years and years and it was exhausting and heartbreaking. But get her some help. And then get her parents to out their white son for being a sick, stupid fuck.
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